dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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