The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
