We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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