I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
