I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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