my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My day in three words: secret purse cake
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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