His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
