why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
