She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
