Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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