so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
