4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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