Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
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So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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