Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
