I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
