My first STD was from a foam party
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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