if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
