wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We left the knife in your bed.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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