We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
