I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
