Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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