all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
