Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
