Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
