Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
