I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize