Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
