I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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