im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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