Whod you bang
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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