I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
