3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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