8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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