We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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