She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
