did you get engaged???
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
