ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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