i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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