I got chris browned last night
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
