seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
