I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
