I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
