Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
