She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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