You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
