dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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