I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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