One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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