well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
