is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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