And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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