i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
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All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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