You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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