So drunk its hurt
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
