and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
