I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
