can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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