Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
