Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
