between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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