His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
