I wanna bring you to show and tell
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
