Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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