sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
do herpes really smell.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
