The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
