She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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