is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
