Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
