Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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