There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
