it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
