The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
