Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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