he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
