Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
